Why I love spending time alone

I feel as though I enjoy spending time alone more than most people. I also feel as though I actually do spend more time alone than most people. Apparently it has been noticed as Sean just last week referred to me as a “lone wolf,” acknowledging that I don’t mind spending time alone but that he would like for me to have more friends around where we live.

I think my tendency to spend so much time by myself stems from a lot of things. For one, I was never that close with my family so while I lived at home most of my time was spent alone in my room with the door closed watching tv or what have you. I also have a hard time making conversation with people I don’t know very well. My mother and Sean talk A LOT. Like, a lot alot. I obviously didn’t inherit that trait from my mother and I guess it’s good that Sean talks a lot so we balance each other out.

I live an hour from any of my friends and family, and due to Sean working 7p-7a Friday-Sunday nights every other weekend, I spend every other weekend just doing my own thing at home every night. He says he wants me to have more friends here, and while I would like to, I like having those days that I know I don’t have to do anything and I can just relax and do, or watch, anything I want.

My home doesn’t help either. Our house isn’t that big by any means; it’s a rancher.. 2 bathrooms, 2 bedrooms, office, and laundry room, 2 car garage, attic, no basement. But the way it’s set up and decorated/lighted makes it hard to leave my little haven of serenity. The picture I attached below is actually a portion of our living/family room while it was decorated for Christmas. The tree has since been taken down but we left the string of white lights up around the fireplace. Plug in those babies and a candle or two and you have the most relaxing abyss I could ever dream of for my own home.

I also think it’s good to spend some time to yourself; and however much you deem fit for yourself! It’s a time for reflection, where you and your mind can be completely quiet and think (or not) about life. Typically, I spend my nights alone watching TV; whatever is on or catching up on the shows I’ve DVR’d (In case you really need to know, those would currently be Resurrection, Vanderpump Rules, Girls, American Horror Story: Freakshow and the Big Bang Theory. Previous DVR’d shows included How to Get Away with Murder and Real Housewives of NJ. Plenty of guilty pleasures in there as you can tell). I also eat, a lot. I love food and am always hungry so I indulge. I should probably watch what (and how much) I eat a little more but in no way am I overweight or whatnot, strictly for health reasons.

I may do a chore or 2; possibly laundry or wiping down the sink in the bathroom since it looks pretty horrendous rather quickly since Sean might as well be a wet dog shaking off whenever he’s in there. I’ll throw in a few texts or snapchats just for a giggle if the mood strikes. More recently I spend a good hour and a half one night going in on the $100 iTunes gift card I got buying a ton of songs.

Some may say I spend too much time alone, like Sean, but for me it works. I have a stressful job so those weekends are my time to slow down and just be for a while before the madness ensues again.

There’s nothing wrong with spending time alone and being a “lone wolf,” so long as it’s not an everyday thing. Then it may be something called Depression (which I am also living with) in which case please, please, please talk to someone. Once I realized that what I was doing almost 2 years ago (literally spending every free moment alone, in bed, asleep by 9pm even while living with my 2 best friends as they went out to Philly or wherever they were going drinking that Friday or Saturday night) was most likely Depression, I went to my doctor. Sometimes all you need is a little boost. I take Wellbutrin at the moment and it’s working quite well. Some may not agree and think that therapy or some sort of talking would be better to try first, which is obviously great to do as well. I still have my down days where I call out of work and don’t leave the couch and don’t talk and cry a lot, but those are few and far between now. I’m happier, and I think the meds have helped, but I also think my time alone NOW helps as well. It wasn’t a good situation before getting help, now I truly believe it is helping along with my meds as I use that time as a time for me and for peace rather than self-loathing.

Another reason why I love spending time alone? I don’t have to share my amazing, wonderful, glorious heated blanket with Sean… 😉

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You don’t need empathy to support a depressed person

karenwriteshere

When a friend was hospitalized for appendicitis, people flocked to visit him at the hospital. When I was clinically depressed, some who knew it avoided me like the plague. But I completely understand — it’s natural for us to be afraid of the unfamiliar, including unfamiliar illnesses. And when it comes to depression, people are wary not because they are afraid it might be contagious (hey, many don’t even recognize it as an illness!), but because they are afraid of saying the “wrong” thing.

A friend once apologized to me, “I’m sorry I haven’t been reaching out to you or being there for you. I’m not like J — I wish I were, but I’m not. But know that I’ve been praying for you, okay?”

At the time, I smiled and told him not to worry about it. I read between the lines and I read his facial expressions — I…

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Bored Thoughts/Updates

Good morning internets! It’s a brisk 18 degrees and snowing here in the grand state of NJ so getting my already lazy ass out of my California king was especially hard this morning. Took me 1 hour and 37 minutes to get to work today, about 22 minutes longer than the norm. Splendid, I say!

In any event, I’m here now and have not one ounce of desire to do work at all. Although to be honest most of my work that has to be done is now dependent on others getting back to me, so really I don’t have much to do to begin with. Either way, here I am.

Christmas was wonderful as was NYE. Sean was working NYE so I went to my old stomping grounds to spend the evening with some friends. It was low key, and I loved every minute of it. This past Saturday Sean and I went with a few others to Medieval Times up in north Jersey. I’ve always wanted to go so when I saw the Groupon for it, I pounced. Well let me tell you… I was not at all disappointed. The show was very good and the food was surprisingly good as well. I housed my tomato bisque, giant chicken leg, BBQ rib (yes, singular, not plural) roasted half potato, and mine as well as someone else’s apple turnover for dessert. Jolly good time! If there’s one near you and you’ve never been, go! There’s alcohol… *thumbs up to that*

Due to NYE and my Mexican vacation, I have only 2 full weeks of work. 10 days. 80 hours. That is all. And still, it is hard for me to get out of bed. I’ve asked several people to make sure I don’t call out in these 2 weeks because, really, what’s the point? It wouldn’t be because I’m sick anyway, just tiredness and laziness. It’s hard though, I’m nowhere near a morning person, and seeing as how I have to get up at 530 to get to work by 8, it’s a daunting task.

But how about Mexico?! 15 days away! We’re going to Cabo. I’ve never been there; only Cancun and Riviera Maya. I’m excited to go to a tropical destination with Sean. We’ve done a vacation before, but only to California. Which was awesome, obviously, but I want to lay on the beach in a tropical climate that isn’t the Jersey shore between June and September.

The banana I just ate was delicious. Ok, bye now.