I feel as though I enjoy spending time alone more than most people. I also feel as though I actually do spend more time alone than most people. Apparently it has been noticed as Sean just last week referred to me as a “lone wolf,” acknowledging that I don’t mind spending time alone but that he would like for me to have more friends around where we live.
I think my tendency to spend so much time by myself stems from a lot of things. For one, I was never that close with my family so while I lived at home most of my time was spent alone in my room with the door closed watching tv or what have you. I also have a hard time making conversation with people I don’t know very well. My mother and Sean talk A LOT. Like, a lot alot. I obviously didn’t inherit that trait from my mother and I guess it’s good that Sean talks a lot so we balance each other out.
I live an hour from any of my friends and family, and due to Sean working 7p-7a Friday-Sunday nights every other weekend, I spend every other weekend just doing my own thing at home every night. He says he wants me to have more friends here, and while I would like to, I like having those days that I know I don’t have to do anything and I can just relax and do, or watch, anything I want.
My home doesn’t help either. Our house isn’t that big by any means; it’s a rancher.. 2 bathrooms, 2 bedrooms, office, and laundry room, 2 car garage, attic, no basement. But the way it’s set up and decorated/lighted makes it hard to leave my little haven of serenity. The picture I attached below is actually a portion of our living/family room while it was decorated for Christmas. The tree has since been taken down but we left the string of white lights up around the fireplace. Plug in those babies and a candle or two and you have the most relaxing abyss I could ever dream of for my own home.
I also think it’s good to spend some time to yourself; and however much you deem fit for yourself! It’s a time for reflection, where you and your mind can be completely quiet and think (or not) about life. Typically, I spend my nights alone watching TV; whatever is on or catching up on the shows I’ve DVR’d (In case you really need to know, those would currently be Resurrection, Vanderpump Rules, Girls, American Horror Story: Freakshow and the Big Bang Theory. Previous DVR’d shows included How to Get Away with Murder and Real Housewives of NJ. Plenty of guilty pleasures in there as you can tell). I also eat, a lot. I love food and am always hungry so I indulge. I should probably watch what (and how much) I eat a little more but in no way am I overweight or whatnot, strictly for health reasons.
I may do a chore or 2; possibly laundry or wiping down the sink in the bathroom since it looks pretty horrendous rather quickly since Sean might as well be a wet dog shaking off whenever he’s in there. I’ll throw in a few texts or snapchats just for a giggle if the mood strikes. More recently I spend a good hour and a half one night going in on the $100 iTunes gift card I got buying a ton of songs.
Some may say I spend too much time alone, like Sean, but for me it works. I have a stressful job so those weekends are my time to slow down and just be for a while before the madness ensues again.
There’s nothing wrong with spending time alone and being a “lone wolf,” so long as it’s not an everyday thing. Then it may be something called Depression (which I am also living with) in which case please, please, please talk to someone. Once I realized that what I was doing almost 2 years ago (literally spending every free moment alone, in bed, asleep by 9pm even while living with my 2 best friends as they went out to Philly or wherever they were going drinking that Friday or Saturday night) was most likely Depression, I went to my doctor. Sometimes all you need is a little boost. I take Wellbutrin at the moment and it’s working quite well. Some may not agree and think that therapy or some sort of talking would be better to try first, which is obviously great to do as well. I still have my down days where I call out of work and don’t leave the couch and don’t talk and cry a lot, but those are few and far between now. I’m happier, and I think the meds have helped, but I also think my time alone NOW helps as well. It wasn’t a good situation before getting help, now I truly believe it is helping along with my meds as I use that time as a time for me and for peace rather than self-loathing.
Another reason why I love spending time alone? I don’t have to share my amazing, wonderful, glorious heated blanket with Sean… 😉